The consequences of despair
by bloodymary2
Summary: The mistakes of the past. The memories cast aside. The despair that turned to madness. And the journey to bring her back home. Regina-centric
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters, the premise of the show or the show itself. I'm only writing for personal and creative reasons. Enjoy, don't sue.

**A/N:** For those who clicked on this piece and are reading _Heart shaped anchor,_ despair not. This is a piece that is almost complete that I have been working on since before I started writing that other fic. I was forever tweeking, though, and didn't want to post it yet.

Not saying it is perfect now, but I think it is time to let my baby off into the world. Hope you guys enjoy.

Review, comment, follow, favorite. :D

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_**The consequences of despair**_

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Chapter 1

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There is a woman standing in front of a ornate mirror. Her dress shimmers, reflecting the poor light of a fading day. Her back is straight, her arms entwined around each other, hands clasped in front of her. Soft, brown hair cascades down her back, long and softly billowing in the wind that dances and twirls around her from the open window. She is calm, she is still, she is a million miles away, though her eyes seem fixed upon her own reflection.

A single tear falls down her cheek, undisturbed by brushing hands. It rolls down a cheekbone, curving to follow the delicate features of her beautiful face. Something is wrong, though. The tear leaves a dark track in its path and reflects in the pale light a dark red. Blood.

The woman finally moves, her brow furrowing and her hand moving up to catch the wayward tear before it can continue in its journey down. She stares at the red now staining her fingertips and looks back up. The her that stands there and stares back at her can offer no answers and she is prevented from thinking about it as a voice echoes in the dark.

"Mother?"

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The bright sun shone upon her face and Snow turned away from it's offending light, sleep still clinging to her brain. Her eyes slowly opened and a yawn escaped her before she could consciously think about suppressing it. The world around her was a bit blurry, so she blinked several times, willing the shapes and colours to come into focus.

"Snow?"

A kiss warmed her lips and she found herself smiling. "Good mourning, Charming..."

"Rise and shine, sweetheart. Emma and Henry are making breakfast and I'm really scared to see the result", he whispered against her lips. His scared tone was lost, though, by the sparkling love shining in his wonderful eyes. And who could blame him, after all those years of little things and big things completely lost to the past, to have this simple moment of family time.

"Uh, oh… Should we brave this? I'm not sure I have enough strength for such a task, my King." He chuckled, as she knew he would and used his own momentum getting up to pull her upper body off the bed.

Snow White groaned, still feeling much too lazy to face getting up. It had seemed but a moment since she had closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. The feeling would pass, though. It was only a matter of setting the gears going and coffee… Lots and lots of coffee.

Fifteen minutes later and Snow was showered, dressed and coming down the stairs of her small, loft apartment. Her husband was sitting by the counter, next to her grandson, Henry, and they were both trying desperately not to laugh at Emma's attempt at breakfast.

"Need so help, honey?"

"Uh… No. I'm getting the hang of this", the blonde replied stubbornly, eyes shifting over the mess she had managed to make out of the pancake batter. At least, Snow thought that was supposed to be pancake batter.

Holding in a smile of her own, she showered kissed all around and found a seat for herself by the counter, next to Henry.

"You know, mom always starts mixing the liquids first. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to drop the eggs straight into the flour…", Henry's face is bright and open and he doesn't notice how the adults around him pause at the mention of his adoptive mother, Regina. It would make sense for him to mention her, of course; she was his mother for over 10 years. But they always found themselves uncomfortable when he said something simple that reminded them that Regina had in fact been a mother to him.

"Yeah, well… Seems a bit late for that piece of advice, kid. Warn me beforehand next time", Emma jokingly scolded him and the tension was lost in the air.

And just like that, Snow was reminded of her strange dream and her stepmother.

"You know, Henry… I dreamt about Regina last night", she said. Her tone ended up being a bit more serious and less amusing as she had meant it to sound.

"Really?". Henry didn't seem particularly comfortable with her comment and Snow could have guessed why. It must have been difficult for a boy to hear people badmouthing his mother, even if he did the same on occasion.

"Yeah… Actually, I think it was more a long forgotten memory". Snow frowned, coming to realize that it had been, in fact, a memory. Strange how it had resurfaced so out of the blue.

"What happened in your dream? I mean, your memory?" Henry must have seen, from her face, that it was not something bad and his inquisitive nature had kicked into full gear.

"Well. I think it must have been a few months after her marriage to my father. Three, four…? Can't really remember. Back then, she used to ride through the forest really early in the mornings with her horse, Rocinante, and from time to time she took me with her." It was strange how perception could be clouded by emotion, Snow thought. There were so many good memories she had with her stepmother growing up, but most of them tended to fade into oblivion when the pain she had inflicted on her and her family came into play.

"Wait, wait… Are you serious? You and her, riding all alone outside the castle walls, with no protection or, or… really?" Emma's voice cut off her mother's train of thought and all eyes came to rest upon the blonde's incredulous face.

"Yes", Snow nodded. Seeing the look of horror on her daughter's face, she came to see that others had too forgotten just who Regina had been back then.

"Emma, she was my stepmother. From the age of ten, she raised me."

Her daughter was shaking her head. "And was she cruel to you?"

Her soft and uncertain voice belied so much more than she had probably intended to share and Snow was loathe to let the opportunity of talking about Emma's past go by, but with Henry in the room, the understanding mother could see how it could be a bad idea. Snow pocketed that moment into the corner of her mind for later perusal.

"Never". Snow placed a hand on Henry's, soothing his worried expression and offered a smile to her daughter. "She had her moments of… depression, I think…but she was always kind to me, taught me ride, dance. Helped me with my studies and shielded me from father's attempts at an arranged marriage when I was old enough. She was there when I got scared at night and took care of me when I was sick. She was a good mother".

_Until she killed my father and tried to kill me._

That part, though, she left unsaid, choosing to focus on the good memories and letting the rest fade for the time being. And why not? It was such a beautiful day, her family was all here, together and safe.

"Grandma? What _was _the dream about?", Henry tentatively asked, clearly curious and somewhat excited to learn someone else had once seen the softer side of his mom. The side that was not the Evil Queen.

"Oh, right", Snow smiled his way, having almost forgotten why Regina was a topic of conversation to begin with. "She was in her room and it was almost dinner time, so I went to call her. When I got to the room, the door was ajar and there was no light there, no candles and such, so I thought maybe she wasn't there after all".

"Where was she?"

"I thought she wasn't there, but she was. When I pushed the door open, she was standing in the dark, looking her herself in the mirror. At the time, I focused more on the fact that she seemed so far away, but as I dreamed it, I realized that…"

"Grandma?"

"Snow?"

"Mary Margaret?"

Snow looked at the family gathered around her and smiled, hoping to dissipate the worry which seemed to linger in the air between them.

"It's strange, that's all. She was crying and the tear on her cheek was dark… like blood. She brushed it away and she seemed confused about it, too". Her words were unable to soothe the atmosphere, though, for Snow herself was frowning at the memory.

"A… a blood tear?" Emma asked, looking one part incredulous, two part horrified.

"What happened after that, grandma?", Henry jumped in, his own frown hidden behind the long hair falling against his forehead.

"Nothing", Snow answered. "She brushed it away and when I came in, I forgot to ask about it and she didn't say anything. We never talked about it and I had actually forgotten about it until I dreamt it last night".

Henry bit his bottom lip and looked away. Snow could see a thousand thoughts running through his mind as he digested what she had just told them.

"But you know… I'm sure it was nothing. She was often sick back then. Maybe it was something like that".

Her reassuring words turned out to be not so reassuring, after all, for Emma's frown deepened.

"You don't think it's strange, though? That you would dream about this in such detail?", her daughter asked, arms crossed in front of herself.

"Maybe… Maybe not", Snow shrugged. "Let's just forget about it and if I have any more strange dreams, I'll let you guys know, ok?"

David reached his arm her way and embraced her, letting her know without words that he was there, should she need him in any way. She could tell her husband was also worried. After all the things they had faced lately, it seemed fate was against letting them rest and worked tirelessly to keep them on their toes.

"So… let's clean this mess up later and go have breakfast at Granny's. Emma?", Snow smiled, eyebrows raised.

"Sure. This is not turning into pancakes any time soon, anyway".

David laughed and Snow smirked and no one noticed that Henry was still pensive.

xxxxxx

For Regina, it was always the silence that got to her.

The silence of a chest which no longer held a heart. The silence of the palace, with its long corridors and too many rooms. The silence of a husband that never saw her as a person or a woman. The silence of her subjects, much too scared of her to speak as she passed by in her horse. The silence of her cell in Snow White and James's castle. The silence of despair when she cried and no one was there to witness her pain, as if it had never existed at all. And then, in Storybrooke, the horrible silence of days filled with the same routine, the same words, the same faces in the same sequence.

Henry had been a fussy baby and had cried for hours on end during his first few weeks with her, and Regina could still remember the relief his cries and later his voice could bring her. How his presence had filled the silence completely, making breathing much easier.

But the book had appeared out of nowhere and the silence had returned, only broken by harsh words and accusations. Now, she didn't even have that, anymore.

Only silence.

Regina Mills stood in front of the mirror which hung by her office. Its round surface was decorated with swirls and tiny flowers and reflected her beautiful face. She wasn't looking at herself, though. That had never been the reason she had always possessed so many mirrors and had taken to standing in front of them for hours on end. No… Her reflection was a reminder of too much heartache and pain for her to subject herself to this kind of torture daily.

A sigh escaped her lips.

The girl turned queen, turned mayor, turned pariah sometimes felt the grip on reality fade. She was sure there were many moments in her life when she had lost her fight to keep tethered to her own sanity. Those were the moments she had come to regret the most. How single minded she could be, how very cruel.

How very weak.

Regina felt the silence again, her own thoughts not enough to fill the emptiness and she was sure, had she been inclined to do so, that she could scream for days. Ladies didn't scream, though. Queens didn't show that kind of emotion. She felt like a shell, trapped inside herself, unable to move or break free.

_If only…_

The silence turned to oppression, which grew into depression and then faded to anger. It was unspecified anger, no clear target in sight. Nothing but the reflection of her own face, devoid of life. A second and a crash and Regina couldn't even remember why the mirror was broken before her, shards flying around. She couldn't recall her fist coming in contact with its surface, breaking glass and breaking skin, and tinting everything red.

She was slipping into insanity again.

That scared her more than the silence.

Regina took a step back and then another, slightly shaking her head. She couldn't lose it now. She couldn't go back to being the Evil Queen. Henry believed in her.

Thoughts of despair and denial clouded her mind and prevented her from realizing that she was no longer alone. The darkness around her vision didn't catch the black clad arms coming from behind her to circle her frame. She heard his voice, though, knowing immediately who was there, a millisecond before consciousness deserted her and her body fell limply to the floor, crashing into the marble and glass shards and blood.

"No more, Your Majesty. Now, it's my turn".

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_I'll post regularly. _

_So... what did you think?_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Few reviews, but some readers, so I can't complain. Don't be lazy, people, let me know what you think!

:P

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Chapter 2

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Henry was sitting in class, watching his teacher turned grandmother drone on about something math related. He had nothing against math per say, but other sort of thoughts crowded his mind that afternoon and the boy couldn't bring himself to focus enough on the word's coming out of Snow's mouth.

He was worried.

Not exactly worried that something had befallen his mother, though he wouldn't even know if something one day did, since there were long days he failed to see her or even talk to her on the phone. It was a conscious, unspoken decision of his birth mother and his grandparents to limit their time together lately and Henry couldn't say he had exactly fought against this decision. It was easier to focus on his new family.

But he was worried.

Regina hadn't tried to contact him for a whole week now and her being no longer the mayor, there weren't even chance encounters on Granny's or passing by Town Hall. And he missed her.

A frown marred his forehead as he thought of her and her absence. Could it be possible that she had heeded all the careless requests he had made for her to leave him alone? Could it be possible that she had finally given up on him? The thought of losing her was terrifying and left a cold feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He had pushed her away…

The last bell of the day sounded and the kids rushed away, being told not to run by their smiling teacher. Much had changed since the curse broke, yet much had stayed the same. Henry packed up his school bag and made his way to Snow.

"Everything okay, Henry? You seemed very far away. Were you even paying attention?", she teased him.

The boy shook his head. "Grandma?"

Seeing the serious expression on the boy's face, Snow White stopped what she had been doing and turned to face him. "What's bothering you, Henry?"

"Can I… I mean, just for a little while. Today." He breathed in deeply, gathering his words and his courage. "I want to see my mom", he whispered finally, eyes downcast.

"Oh, Henry…". There was no real doubt about which mother he meant and seeing him like this, begging for a moment with his mother, broke Snow's heart. "We should talk to Emma and maybe call Regina later. What do you think?"

His crestfallen expression told her exactly what he thought of that cop out.

"Nevermind", he turned to leave and Snow was quick to pack up her things and follow him.

They made it home in eery silence and uncomfortable companionship. Henry pulled his books to the counter and went to work on his homework paying no attention to his grandmother watching him. An hour later, when he packed it all away again and made his way to the room he shared with Emma on the second floor, Snow didn't even try to talk with him. She just sighed and resolved to talk with Emma later tonight.

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The house was quiet and dark and Henry didn't need a second glance to know something really was wrong. A flutter of relief passed by his chest, knowing that his mother had not deserted him after all. That relief, though, was extremely short lived. Something was wrong. Like, really wrong and with his mom being the Evil Queen, she could actually be in danger.

Heart pounding, chest panting and hands sweating, Henry pulled his key from the front pocket of his trousers - the one she had given to him when he had originally moved in with David - and quickly unlocked the door. The front hall was silent and empty. He rushed to the kitchen, expecting to find her making dinner, but no smell and no sound proved his desperate theory wrong. He ran to her office and carelessly threw the door open, not hoping to find her so easily anymore, but praying to be wrong.

Hand still on the doorknob, he stopped cold in his steps. The room was empty, no sign of Regina at all, but it was far from the pristine state it could usually be found in. His eye widened, his lips parted and a 'no' escaped his lips like a horrified cry of denial. The round mirror his mother kept there was broken, shards spread all around the room. There was something brown coating several pieces of the broken mirror and a pool was present in the middle of this entire mess, still red enough that Henry could not mistake it for anything else but blood.

And the shoe… His mother's high heeled shoe. It was only a single pair, fallen amid the shards.

No, no, no, no. Something was wrong, terribly, terribly wrong. Panic coursing through him, Henry ran to check the rest of the house, a stubborn hope clinging to him like glue. No room was left unchecked, no bathroom was kept with a door closed. She had to be there!

She wasn't, though. Regina had completely disappeared, leaving only a black pump and a broken mirror behind. So Henry did the only thing his young mind could think of to do. He called his birth mother, the Sheriff.

"Emma! My mom! She's gone and there's blood and a broken mirror and, and…", the rest was lost in sobs and tears. It was enough, however, to get his other mother moving towards the only place her son could be: Regina's house.

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"Henry?" Emma pushed the front door open, gun at the ready. "Henry?"

"Here…", was the soft reply she got, followed by a half contained sob. "I'm here…"

Emma didn't holster the weapon as she made her way to Regina's office. Her heart was beating wildly with worry and the sense of danger lingering in the air still. It only took one look at Henry to add heartbreak to her list of afflictions. Her son was sitting on the floor, back to the door of his mom's office. There were tears on his cheeks and his young body rocked slightly back and forth. His eyes looked at something far away.

As a mother, she wanted to comfort him, throw her arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. But to say those words and not mean them could only make things worse, so she ignored her first instinct and walked through the opened door to the office of the once Mayor of Storybrooke. There was no way she could ignore the glass and the blood and the evidence that Regina hadn't left that room with her own two feet. Quickly looking around, she discovered nothing that could lead to finding Regina.

"Henry… when was the last time you talked to Regina?" Kneeling by her son's side, she used a gentle hand on his arm to redirect his attention back to her.

"I… I didn't even try to call her. I haven't seen her since, since we had ice cream last week." Henry wiped the tear tracks on his cheeks and turned fully to face Emma. "We have to find her, Emma!"

The blonde nodded, mind already going ten miles an hour.

"I gotta be honest with you, Henry. We don't know what happened and who was behind all this and that means no one is innocent until we find out what happened." She used her index finger to raise up his chin and stare intentively at his blue-green eyes. "You don't trust anyone outside of this family until then, okay? Do you promise?"

The boy nodded, a steely face of resolve falling into place. Emma couldn't deny that it looked too much like Regina's own face when determined.

"Now… we have to process this scene and I'm going to call your Grandpa here to help me. So don't touch anything." He nodded, making it clear that he understood her instructions.

"What about magic?", he asked, already on his feet. "We can't ignore the possibility that this could have happened by magic, or because of magic!"

Emma was shaking her head. "This looks very non-magic, Henry. We can't ignore it in favour of more wild explanations."

"We don't have to ignore anything, we should focus on both possibilities." He told her, head leaning slightly forward, making his eyes bigger and more focused. It was a look he had worn often when talking to her about the curse before it had been broken.

"I know, Henry, and we will talk with Mother Superior. But after we investigate this place."

Henry sighed, resignation coming out of him in waves. Emma took out her phone to call her father and then made a quick call to Ruby to come pick Henry up. He had already seen much more than he should have.

"Okay, kiddo. You stay with Ruby, try to remember anything that may give us any clues, maybe even check your book. I'll come pick you up as soon as we finish here". Her son agreed and moved into the room his mother had last been in. Emma moved to stop him, but he brushed her away.

Ignoring the mess on the other side of the room, he reached his mother's desk and quickly grabbed the portrait of them she kept there. The doorbell rang and in the second Emma turned to yell out an "it's open!", Henry dropped to the floor and grabbed a small shard of glass and hid it in his pocket. He was already pushing out of the room by the time his birth mother turned back to face him.

His grandfather soon appeared from the foyer, a grave expression on his face. He placed a hand on Henry's shoulder and the boy allowed it for a second, before rushing up the stairs.

"Henry, where are you going!?", Emma called from the foot of the stairs.

"I'm going to grab another picture from my room!" was his yelled out response over his shoulder as he disappeared from view.

"Is he okay?" David asked his daughter, voice low as to not be heard.

"I think he's in a bit of a shock." Emma sighed and moved away from the stairs, finally facing the blonde man that was both her father and her deputy. "We have to find…"

David nodded, hands on hips. "We will."

By the time Ruby came, Henry was already sitting on the last step of the stairs, waiting for her. He offered no words or looks to the woman, only following her out of the house. Not once did he look back. His mother wasn't there, after all.

And he was going to find her.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** As I explained in my other update: "It was work, it was life, it was school and it was that _finale_". I'll try to abstain from such long periods again. Sorry.

Please review!

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Chapter 3

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Regina could hear trees rustling in the wind, could hear birds singing in the distance. But it was all just a vague sense of a place far away, for she could neither move nor open her eyes to see exactly where she was. The darkness of unconsciousness drifted in and out and it was only glimpses of feelings she was afforded.

A car.

_His_ deep, angry breathing.

A dirt road.

She should be worried, maybe. She should be worried that _he_ could hurt her, could even kill her. Regina was not worried, though, she was just numb. Numb and too tired to do anything, but welcome an ending to it all.

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Frustration couldn't even begin to explain how Emma was feeling. David and her had managed to find proof that heavy boots had crushed the broken glass at some point. There was blood on the floor indicating that Regina had gone through the door to the office - carried or walking. And that was it. No clues that could lead them to finding Regina. Nothing to hint at the culprit. With someone like the Evil Queen, how could you even begin to tally up a suspect list. It would be easier to find someone who didn't want to kill the mayor.

She was just about ready to give up on the house and try and find anyone who had seen anything suspicious around the neighbourhood, when her phone rang. One look at the id of the caller and Emma just knew that Henry had decided to ditch Ruby and investigate on his own.

She couldn't deal with this right now.

But she knew just where to start looking for her son.

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Henry walked into Mr. Gold's shop and purposively made his way to the back counter. There was no one there, so he called Rumpelstiltskin by name, his voice loud and easily echoing throughout the large space.

A light thud of a cane announced his presence a second before the man in question appeared from behind the curtains, dressed in a dark suit and wearing a solemn expression on his face.

"Henry?", he asked, curiously glancing behind the boy and noting his lack of chaperone. "What can I do for you today, boy?"

"You can start by being honest with me", Henry told him, eyes piercing holes at the man that was his grandfather. With both hands on the counter and serious expression, Gold couldn't help but see his own son reflected back at him. Not in mannerisms, of course, but a vague sense of familiarity.

"Very well, dearie." Rumple said no more, silently waiting for the boy to ask his questions.

"Did you do anything to my mother?"

"Regina?", he clarified and a nod proved him right. "I confess, Henry, that Regina and I have gotten involved in more than one fight with each other. Be more specific."

Rumple's face betrayed nothing, but his light leaning forward, hands balanced on his cane told Henry that all the man's attention was upon him.

"My mom is missing and there is blood and broken glass in her office. So did you? Hurt her?" Again the seriousness didn't leave his face or waver from his voice.

"No. No, Henry, I didn't hurt Regina, or had anything to do with her disappearance." Rumple paused and leaned down to his grandson's height level. "And if I had, you coming here could have put you in danger. You need to be more careful."

Henry nodded repeatedly, but Rumple could see that it was an empty gesture. Reckless abandon seemed to be something the boy had in spades and probably something he inherited from Emma and learned from Regina.

"So, will you help me find her?"

"Contrary to popular belief, dearie, I'm not all knowing and don't in fact know what happened simply because I wish to know."

"I know…", Henry stopped his reply, not satisfied with the answer. "But you have magic and you really know my mom". At this, he pulled his backpack from his shoulder and put it on the counter. Out came a piece of glass coated in blood, a family portrait and a hairbrush. "So… will you help me?"

"Magic comes with a price, dearie." Rumple was no longer staring at the boy, but fingering the strand of hair still attached to the hairbrush.

"I also know that. What is your price for helping me locate my mother's - Regina's - _current_ location?"

Rumple smiled at the very specific way the boy made the request, knowing perhaps better than most, thanks to his book, how easily the Dark One could play with words and deals. His smile was lost, though, when he contemplated the situation. So much he could ask that would be beneficial to him. So much that could be done with a strand of hair.

There was too much to be lost, though, for letting greed for power speak louder than family. That, at least, he had learned in his long years of living. "Nothing."

"What?"

"This time… I won't require anything in exchange. Tell me all you know. When was the last time you saw Regina?" Even as he spoke, Rumple was already moving aside from the counter and pulling his potion case from its hidden perch.

"I saw her last Monday. We had ice cream. She seemed a bit down - I think she is still very sad because of her mother -, but didn't tell me anything. I… I forgot to call her and she hasn't called me either, which is strange, because she calls every other day, even when I forget. Today I decided to see her, but Emma wouldn't let me, so I snuck out."

"As I'm sure you did just now, as well. Quite devious of you, dearie", Rumple moved his hand in a forward motion. "Carry on."

"There was something wrong with the house. I don't know what it was. But I could _sense_ that something was off. I went in and searched for her. The only thing I found was in her office. Her round mirror - you know, the one that looks like a sun? -, well, her mirror was completely broken and there was blood on it. It was already brown. But there was a large pool of blood on the floor near the place the mirror usually is and it was still a little red. And a shoe. It's black and definitely my mom's. It was with the broken mirror", Henry took a deep breath after his rant and stood on tiptoes to see what Mr. Gold was mixing on the counter.

"Has Miss Lucas tried smelling her out?"

He was shaking his head, though his eyes never wavered from the glowing bluish liquid his grandfather was swirling around. "I asked her to do that, but she insisted on waiting for Emma. And waiting is not what my mother needs right now. She could be in danger!"

"You are right not to wait, Henry. But I want you to promise me something." At Henry's focused eyes, Rumple continued. "This potion I'm making. You are going to wait for Emma before enacting it. Promise?"

"I…", the boy looked conflicted. Obviously not wanting to lie, but not sure he could keep such a promise either, he was saved from answering by the loud bell of the door ringing out with much more force than necessary.

"Henry!" Emma took long strides into the shop and a part of Henry felt ashamed for having so obviously worried her. The part of him that was mad and angry and suspicious, though, reminded him that his mission was very important. "Did you make a deal with Gold?!"

She took him by the shoulders and shook him and all the while he looked at her with barely contained patience. "No."

Placated and a little unsettled, Emma let him go and turned to face the shop's owner. The various items on his counter looked more fit to be found in laboratory than a pawn shop, though she knew that it shouldn't have surprised her at all.

"Okay… so what's going on here?"

Henry brushed the arm around his shoulder away and turned back to face Rumpelstiltskin. His answer to his birth mother didn't seem to dignify eye contact. "Mr. Gold is helping me. He's creating a potion using the glass with mom's blood and a strand of her hair so that we can locate her."

"That's right, dearie." Calmly, as if a blonde bull hadn't just stormed his shop - and what an amusing thought that was, really -, Rumple ignored the King with a sword making a similar entrance to his shop and carefully placed Regina's hair inside the vial in his hand. The previously blue liquid turned purple and bubbled up. Next, he used a pincer and a small hammer to break a piece of the mirror young Henry had brought over and it too made its way to the vial. The purple turned red, glowed fiercely and then returned to being purple.

"And why are you helping us?" Emma again tried placing her arm around Henry's shoulder, being again rejected. She frowned, frustrated and found something else she could identify herself with Regina… being brushed off by Henry sucked.

"Not you, dearie. Henry. My grandson, who asked so nicely." Rumple swirled the liquid once more, chanting something under his breath that no one could hear. "Here it is, my boy. You think about finding your mother and throw the vial to the floor. We want to make it break, so use force. When the smoke swirls, you say your mother's name once. Only once…"

Henry was again nodding, this time in a much more serious manner. He reached for the vial and met his grandfather's tired eyes. "Thank you."

Rumple nodded once and then focused all his attention on putting his tools away, completely ignoring the heated argument that was happening between Henry and his guardians. He had done his part.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Another chapter, coz its ready and you guys deserve it.

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Chapter 4

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Henry burst from Mr. Gold's shop with angry steps and controlled breaths. He wanted to run and get away from Emma and David who pretended to care that his mother could be in danger or gravely injured or worse! But Mr. Gold had been serious when he had asked Henry to promise to not use the potion without Emma there and he wouldn't have said that if it wasn't important.

So, for his mom, he searched for patience and breathed in deeply, before letting the air loose in a long sigh.

"Henry!" Emma caught up to him and pulled his shoulder, making him turn to face her.

"My mom needs me and we can't wait." He tried using his mom's most authoritative voice and he was sure he failed, but Emma could see how very not kidding he was.

"We have to think things through, Henry. We won't help Regina if we get hurt or taken, too."

Henry couldn't control his anger anymore. "You don't care! She's just the Evil Queen to you!"

"That's not true, Henry…" David appeared behind Emma.

"Yes, it is. You don't care. Your life would be easier if she just dissapeared and never came back. But she is my MOM and I care. And I didn't even tell her!" He stomped his feet on the ground and then silently berated himself for such a childish action. "So, I'm going to find her and if you care about me, you'll come too".

"Okay, kiddo. But no running off into the unknown without being careful first. Regina wouldn't want you hurt." Henry offered a small nod in acknowledgement to Emma's very true statement. His mom would probably yell at Charming and Snow and Emma for letting him go to Rumpelstiltskin. He would be happy to hear her do that, though, if only he got her back.

Allowing himself another deep breath, Henry thought of his mother and his desperate yearning to find her. The vial flew out of his hand and crashed to the asphalt in front of him. The glass broke and in its place, smoke arose, deep purple and thick as winter fog.

Three sets of lungs held in their air, as three pairs of eyes watched the colored smoke rise up, expanding further. It swirled like a mountain and danced as if talking to the wind, before it started to fade, growing thin and more transparent. Henry only had but a moment to fear the potion hadn't worked, for behind the smoke, he started to see a shape. A very familiar shape dressed in a long, unfamiliar dress.

She had her back to them, hair long and loose trailing down to her waist. Her dress was pale and sparkled, its long train reaching well into the ground. It was her, though, Henry was sure.

"Regina…", he whispered, having to force himself not to call her mom. Mr. Gold had told him to say her name.

The figure, immobile and almost like a dream from his fairytale book, didn't respond to his call. Not even her hair moved with the wind around them. He saw Emma reach forward to touch his mom - probably growing impatient -, but Henry pulled her back, knowing somehow that they had to wait. Magic was about emotion and about patience. Mom had taught him that.

The silence stretched for a long time, or so it seemed to the young boy, and yet he remained steady, eyes never leaving the woman in the dress before him. He concentrated on his wish, his yearning to find his mother on the forefront of him mind. Vaguely, he registred that Ruby had joined their silent group. A hand to his shoulder let him know his grandma had also appeared. He ignored it all.

_Mom, where are you?_

Henry couldn't know exactly what changed. Something had changed, though. He could feel it in the air. And then the woman in the dress moved. Her hair blew with the wind, dancing sideways as she turned her head to glance over her shoulder. Her eyes were big and sad and Henry wanted to cry. She looked only at him, as if no one else was around them, and turned fully to face him. There were no words spoken; Henry wasn't sure she could speak, this apparition. But when she reached forward and caressed his cheek, Henry knew she was as solid as a real person and he couldn't help himself. His arms flew at her and in an instant, he was hugging her waist and hiding his face in her neck.

She even smelled like his mom.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Emma couldn't quite process what she was seeing.

Actually, this whole situation was beyond her understanding. Since the fairytales had become real and the curse had been broken and Mary Margaret had followed her down the damn rabbit hole into another freaking world!, Emma couldn't quite seem to catch up. Would there never be a time that they could just live, without strange and dangerous things happening, she wondered. And then she snorted in her own head.

Probably not.

So, she was obeying her son's command not to do anything as they just stared at a long haired woman in a dress that seemed to be Regina, but from this angle, who could be sure? She wasn't moving, wasn't saying anything and could very well be a damn statue, for all she knew.

Henry proved to be correct, though, because the woman finally turned towards them and well… it really was Regina. And she was breathtaking. She didn't look like the Evil Queen they all claimed her to be, but she looked like a queen, elegant and regal and incredibly real. When she touched Henry and the boy threw himself at her, Emma had to admit that the woman was solid enough to be real.

Not real, though.

Regina pulled back from her son and stepped back, her hand in Henry's. She started pulling him away from them, never glancing at the other four people surrounding them. Emma didn't hesitate to follow them, suspicion making her eyes narrow. A quick glance around proved it wasn't just her who didn't trust this situation.

The woman who was Regina, but not the real Regina - and that was rather easy to remember because this woman was soft and caring and so out of this world, she almost didn't look like Regina -, lead them into the woods, always walking backwards and looking solely at Henry. She didn't trip on the long train of her dress or the roots of the trees around them or even collided with a trunk standing in the way. She never looked over her shoulder, either. She just walked and pulled Henry with her.

Their progress was slow and steady. They walked for over an hour, Emma calculated, before a house appeared behind the queen in the sparkling dress. Jefferson's house. The hairs at the back of her neck rose to attention and Emma felt a shudder rise up her spine. For the first time, she felt that the danger to Regina was real and possible and, God… damn inevitable.

Regina didn't glance at the house, nor did she make any move to enter it. She just stood there and looked at Henry with love in her eyes. Her son, for his part, was not about to ignore exactly what he had wanted to know and let go of his mother's hand. Emma had but a second to get her legs moving and Henry was already running at full speed towards the house.

"Henry…", the queen spoke, her voice soft and ethereal, genty echoing in the brise.

The boy stopped his progress towards the house - and really, Emma thought, two more steps and he would have been there already -, and turned to face the woman he had conjured into existence. She was slowly shaking her head from side to side and beckoning him to come back. Henry did obey, reluctantly, and Emma sighed in relief.

"Emma?"

The determined son with sure strides was gone and in his place there remained but a little boy, who was scared and alone and needed her to protect him. So Emma did what she was sure Regina would have done. She pulled her gun from its holster and watched as her mother pulled an arrow from her quiver and her father gripped his sword more firmly. Ruby nodded, placing herself nearer to Henry and the woman that was Regina.

No matter what, Regina was family now and family was everything.

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The arrow was poised and the bow was up and she moved with a silent gait born out of necessity into the house that was Jefferson's home. Snow could still remember the night Emma and her had spent with these walls and it made her want to shiver and bolt. How could it be that so much had happened since then and the place still made her scared?

The three spanned out and steadily searched the first floor of the house. They saw hats and fine china and felt a sense of abandonment to the place that could only be described as creepy. No sign of Jefferson and no sign of Regina anywhere. The second floor came next.

That was another story completely.

First thing Snow saw as she reached the second landing was a bloody hand print on the blue wallpaper. It was dried and brownish and probably old. She gulped. How could they have not realized Regina had been missing for so long? They stepped carefully around the remnants of a broken chair and saw that more than one painting stood crooked along the walls. One room, a little girl's room with pink wallpaper and toys everywhere, was empty and undisturbed. The next room was mostly bare, with only a grand piano and a long chaise. No signs of the struggle the hallway bore witness to there either.

It was only when they followed the path of destruction all the way to the end of the hall and pushed the half opened door to the last room open, that the members of the search party paused, horrified. Snow felt her husband gasp right behind her and watched as her daughter's wide eyes searched the place from top to bottom. And she… well, she struggled with the deep ache in her chest, the shaking hand which still held the arrow and bow and the need to return to the world that which she had eaten that day.

_No._

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It's funny how your survival instincts can kick in even when you have already given up.

Regina had no intentions of fighting off her attacker or of prolonging her own demise. The soft bed underneath her, the hand on her thigh, the rough pulling of her shirt, the heavy breathing on her neck… She was up and swinging before she could consciously take notice of her own actions.

But he was so strong and she felt so weak.

Her legs wouldn't cooperate and yet she managed to rise to her feet. Her arms hurt and stung and yet she clawed her nails on the man's face. A wall rushed up to meet her and her head bounced off it so quickly, it almost felt like rubber. Except it hurt. A lot.

She kept going… out the room, past the hallway, almost to the stars. It was disheartening to feel like freedom was so close and then feel the heavy body of evil tackling you to the floor, taking that freedom away. She should have known, though. It was always the same.

Her magic had been robbed or had abandoned her voluntarily, she was not quite sure and since getting it to work seemed futile, she dispensed her thoughts and energy into fighting back, instead of wondering exactly why she had been left so bereft.

There was not a single moment she failed to fight, even when tears started to fall freely down her cheeks. In the end, all her struggled were for nothing. It didn't prevent the pain, the humiliation. The utter powerlessness of the violation of one's self.

She had once said that Jefferson hadn't in him to kill her. Seemed she had been right.

And oh so wrong.

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Regina wouldn't want Henry to know.

That is all Emma could think about. No mother would wish their children to see that room. No mother would want their children to know that monsters were real and among them. Not even a woman commonly known as the Evil Queen. Not even to a boy who knew more about evil then he should at his age.

Regina wouldn't want Henry to know.

But Emma had to say something. Henry was outside and he was waiting. He was the one who had brought them there and had it not been for the ghost of the woman they were searching for, he would have been the first one through that door. Not even an apparition of Regina wanted her son to see the insides of that house. She had led them there, though, and that had to mean something.

With a long sigh and a weight on her chest, Emma exited the house, closely followed by Snow White and Prince Charming.

"Emma? So? Is my mom there?" Henry seemed excited and worried and almost desperate all at once and she could understand his anxiety.

"No, kid. She's not there. We think she was there at some point, but she's not there anymore." The truth then, a very downplayed version of it, but the truth nonetheless.

Henry wasn't stupid, of course. All he had to do was really look at his birth mother and his grandparents and he would know something horrible was inside that house. And that is exactly what he did. Pale and breathing hard, he turned and hugged the woman in the dress once more, tears falling from his eyes.

Regina hugged him back and kissed his brow.

"Mom?" Emma watched him glance up, arms still around the woman. "Are you… dead?" His voice was small and almost broken and Emma felt like crying.

The woman had love in her eyes and she seemed to interact with Henry. Something about her continued serene expression, though, and the way she seemed unaffected by the boy's tears reminded Emma that she was not, in fact, Regina. She was nothing but some form of spell made out of glass and blood and hair and heaven knows what else.

"Are you?" Henry pleaded.

Long dark hair shook from side to side as Regina finally answered the boy in the negative. _No, she was not dead_. The woman volunteered no words to go along with that answer. Maybe, Emma caught herself wondering, maybe she was like that book from Harry Potter… A memory, an imprint. She had no thoughts of her own, no emotions. She was only a vestige of Regina, with but a few bits of her knowledge.

She couldn't volunteer information. She wasn't made for that.

"Regina… Do you know where you are?" Emma tried tentatively, stepping towards the woman and her son. "You were here and then where?"

There were no signs that Regina had heard or acknowledged Emma and her words. The woman only continued staring at Henry and stroking his hair.

"Henry… Hey, kid!" Emma waved her hand and finally caught the attention of her son. "She doesn't look at us or respond to us in any way. You were the one to cast the spell…"

"I'm the only one she sees", Henry finished the thought.

Determination was back to his face and a part of Emma felt relieved.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay. Arranging the next chapters as well, so I can post more duringthe weekend. Enjoy! (or not, coz this is angst, but you know what I mean). And review!

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Chapter 5:

* * *

Henry was scared.

Really, really, terribly scared.

Not the type of fear that makes your heart race and your legs run and your hands come up to fight. No. This fear inside him was dread. It made him question every interaction he had with his mother, every decision he had made since finding the book of fairytales. His fear was a void growing in his chest, swallowing him whole. And all he wanted in the whole wide world was his mother there, telling him everything would be alright - even if it was a blatant lie -, and wrapping her arms around him, keeping him safe. It was not the same with his mother's ghost.

It would never be the same.

_When you are scared, dear. When you want to run and hide… _

Henry swallowed hard, let go of his mother's created twin and straightened his spine as he had seen Regina do when she was preparing to face something unpleasant. Like King George.

_That is the moment you know you are brave. _

Her voice was whispering in his ear and if he closed his eyes, he would be able to see her face as she had been all those years ago, when she told him that crying was okay. And so was staying strong.

_Only foolish people are not afraid._

So, it was okay that he was scared for himself, for his mother. Scared meant brave. And brave meant that he could stay strong. For mom. Until he could find her and bring her home and let her be brave for him, while he cried into her arms.

"Take me to her."

Regina stared at him for a second and then took his hand. Henry thought she would lead him somewhere else and part of him was irritated that she hadn't done so in the first place. She didn't step away, though. Instead, she crouched down, sitting on her haunches and pulled him with her. Her hand guided his to the dirt at their feet and there, she placed his palm flat on the ground.

"What does that mean?", he pleaded.

One of her fingers dug into the earth and started to go round and round in a circular motion, leaving a widening circle on the dirt floor. She then placed Henry's palm in the center for a moment and stared at him again.

"I don't understand…"

"A portal…", his grandma whispered. "The whirlwind, going down the center. This is where she was last. Right where you are." A tear ran down her face and that made him angry. It was like she was already mourning his mom. But gone didn't mean dead.

"Is it a portal?", he asked Regina. She nodded. "Where did the portal take her?"

Regina pulled her hand away from his and rose up in a graceful move. She stepped away from him and wrapped her arms around herself. Tears started running down her cheeks and her mouth opened in a silent scream none of them could hear.

"Where? Where is she?!" Henry yelled and pleaded and then breathed in deeply and tried asking more calmly. Nothing worked. Regina continued crying in silent despair.

In the end, Henry knew she had nothing more to tell him and that it was time to let the spell come to an end. Say her name, Mr. Gold had said. Only once…

"Regina…"

And just like that, she was gone, a circle drawn in the dirt the only proof she had been there at all. Henry wanted to scream and wanted to cry. That would mean he had given up, though, and he was far from being close to giving up on his mother.

Xxxxxxxxx

There were broken bones that throbbed. There were spots of pierced skin that burned. There were wounds and bruises - too many to count - that seemed to add lead to her very body in a way that Regina felt she might never move again. Because moving hurt and made breathing hard.

_Where was she now?_, the thought flittered through her mind.

There was wet dirt underneath her. The air smelled like burnt wood and rotting flesh. And the darkness was absolute. She wanted to cry and scream and call for help, but no sound could be heard around her, not even the sound of her own whimpered breathing. Wherever she was, wherever Jefferson had sent her to through the portal, there was only one thing that seemed sure…

She wasn't going anywhere.

Time moved differently there, too. She could feel it. Feel the way it was stopped and moving all at the same time. Eternal pain and despair. Maybe a realm worthy of Hell, no ending in sight to the torment.

She deserved it, in a way. It was hard to convince herself otherwise.

And in the silence - that was so much louder than any silence she had faced until that moment - Regina knew she was never going home again. This was home now.

No one saw the tears or heard the sobs or felt the trembling of her broken body. She did cry, though. For what seemed like an eternity.

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It was dark out and way past Henry's bed time. No one, however, had managed to circumvent his stubborn decision to participate in the active search for Regina, no matter the place or time and the adults involved were weary to keep him out of the general loop, lest he be inclined to search for himself and walk right into danger.

They didn't know, after all, if Jefferson had accomplices. Or if he had returned to Storybrooke at some point.

And that made Emma worried. There was so much they didn't know.

"Okay!", she cried out. The merry group assembled on their small loft had been noisily shouting over each other with suggestions helpful and not so helpful alike. Leroy's didn't even bare to be repeated out loud. "We are not getting anywhere with this. We need facts. And we need a plan."

"My mom is missing", Henry said matter of factly. "She was taken from our home and she was hurt."

Emma nodded and tried not to meet her parents eyes, the image of that house, of that room still deeply imprinted in her mind. "Probably taken by Jefferson, if he wasn't working with someone."

Henry's small smile at her acceptance and help was enough to lift, just a little, the heavy burden on her chest. But just a little.

"She has been missing six days at the most. We estimate, by the state of her office, that she probably disappeared around last Wednesday afternoon. Could have been after that, though, we are not sure", Snow chipped in.

"She was taken to Jefferson's house near the woods and kept there for time undetermined", David added, a nod to his grandson and a deep look of worry on his face as he turned to face his daughter. Everyone but Henry knew what that look meant.

And they would be foolish to believe Henry didn't have some inkling that something very bad had befallen his mother while inside that house.

"Then Jefferson and/or accomplice opened a portal and took her out of Storybrooke", Emma quickly continued, afraid of the time Henry decided to ask more than she could bring herself to say. "We don't know where."

"So, we find out". Red hadn't really spoken before this moment, her and Granny having taken the roles of listeners until then.

"How?" It was Emma who asked, a whispered word with too much meaning behind it.

"First, we track Jefferson…"

"And his daughter! Grace!" Henry pinched in. Red nodded in agreement.

"If he is not here in Storybrooke, we take the next step…"

"Gold…", David seemed none too happy about this course of action, but he made no move to disagree. He might not like it. Might not trust Rumpelstiltskin with anything - not even with opening a simple door. Desperate times, though, called for desperate measures; that is a lesson he had learned long ago.

"I was thinking of asking Blue first. But we'll probably need Gold's help with this."

Emma nodded, Snow lowered her head and hugged herself, before sighing and nodding as well. The dwarfs, most there reluctantly, all took their cue from Snow and nodded, too. Red and Granny exchanged a glance and Granny allowed a small dip of her head to show her acquiesce with her granddaughter's plan. Henry straightened his back and pursed his lips, a look of determination falling upon his face.

They had no idea what they would have to face and Henry admired their united front and their bravery. There was nothing, though, that could make him forget his mother's ghost, silently screaming.

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Jefferson's trail had led them to Grace, who was still staying with her curse parents and preferred to be called Paige. The girl had cried about her papa being the same and not the same all at once. He had refused to listen to reason, she told them. She had also reluctantly admitted to seeing him on tuesday last, with eyes dark and scary. He had wanted her to go with him and had been very angry when she had told him no.

Red's nose led them to different places in town. Most people, when asked, failed to recall actually seeing the strange man who had lived on the outskirts of town, but scents didn't lie and the smell of him led them, eventually, to Regina's house. It was worthy of note, though Red tried to keep it from Henry's ears, that Jefferson's presence occupied mainly two rooms: Regina's office and her bedroom.

The picture being painted seemed bleary at best.

They returned to the house in the woods and eventually found themselves standing at the same place the apparition of Regina had taken them to… The place where the portal had been opened. The very spot that still sported a whirlwind drawn on the earth. His scent died there and Red couldn't seem to pick it up again anew.

Wherever Jefferson had gone to, he hadn't come back.


End file.
